


sunshine

by Kalpa (orphan_account)



Series: sunshine [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cute, Drugs, F/M, Fluff, Insomnia, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kalpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he calls her "sunshine", and that's when she knows she's fucked</p>
            </blockquote>





	sunshine

Jay isn’t all soft smiles, diplomatic negotiations and mushy words. She’s sharp, dangerous and her words can fire a bullet faster than her pistol. She’s the eyes that watch someone move at night, fingers twitching to wrap around a mouth and ears waiting for the familiar snapping sound. She’s the dagger that has a home in skin, the words that mean life or death, the night sky that mocks her at night for crying over a lost son and a dead husband. 

She is the grey in the black and white; the indecision that leaves you waiting with a dry mouth and peeling skin. 

What Jay is not is much more simple. She is not sleeping late into the morning with the sun beating against her skin, not the warm flutter in her chest when Hancock looks at her with approval bright in his eyes. There is no relationship between her and how she feels heat spread through her face when he compliments her.

She is not the stutter that complicates her usual steel and sharp words, the ones that both heal and wound. 

Jay is not the warmth but she is not the cold. She is simply the in between.

So why is she negotiating with raiders who point a gun to her head, pacifying them just so Hancock won’t get upset with her? Why is she settling for a low pay and a hefty task so that Hancock approves of her? Why is Jay becoming the good just so Hancock smiles at her in the night, and opens up to her about what his life was like?

She doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand. And so she takes a deep breath, and releases her worries into the warm air. The warmth leaves her body, and takes a home in the sky instead of her chest. It leaves, and so she sits at night, pistol in her hand as Hancock sleeps. 

Her fingers toyed with the wedding ring around her ring finger, taking it off occasionally to allow herself feel power in the nudity of her now deceased marriage. Nate’s ring weighs heavy in her pocket, a constant reminder that whatever she had before was left in the vault with frost and centuries gone by counting the breaths she took and the number of beats her heart made. 

She stared at the night sky for a long time before she looked back at Hancock. He was a man that Jay would watch back when she would toss water down the drain, throw food away, and drive just so she could get away from her family. He was the man she would stare at for a moment before looking away hastily. Hancock was not the man she would have changed for, would have stopped to talk with, nonetheless travel a dangerous Wasteland with. 

When Jay looked back towards him, he spoke before she could. “You don’t need to keep watch all the time. We already scouted,” he told her, and she’s surprised that he’s awake. He’s almost always asleep after eating, and it was at least a few hours after he’d lay down and huffed out a “goodnight”. He must have been watching her fret and think, and a familiar heat spread up to her face. He smirked at her, and she looked away, shame and embarrassment heating her face. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel like having a radroach bite my ass again,” she joked, and he smiled at her, a small chuckle sounding from his throat. She grinned at him for a second before looking back out towards the dark horizon. The stars were bright in the sky, and she watched them for a few minutes before Hancock spoke again. 

“Somethin bothering you?” he asked, and she heard him rustle around for a few moments before the wood floor creaked, indicating his approach. She didn’t turn around to look up at him, and instead waited for him to sit next to her. He plopped down next to her without another word, and waited for her response. 

Jay was silent for a number of minutes before replying. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. If I can talk about the one time I ran through the Wasteland naked because some Raiders stole my Jet and clothes then I’m pretty sure you can talk about anything you want,” he joked, and Jay cracked a smile at that. She looked over at him for a moment, and saw him smiling up at her, dark eyes bright under the night sky. 

“I’ll be fine, Hancock,” she insisted, and that smile was gone in a heartbeat. But he didn’t say anything, and so she looked back to the horizon, counting how many breaths she could take without drawing his attention. She counted to 60 before he spoke up again. 

“I’ll take watch. Get some sleep.”

Jay got to her feet, and curled up in the sleeping bag Hancock had been using. It smelled of Jet, Mentats and dust, and something else she spent the entire night trying to pinpoint.

She didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. 

* * *

 

When they arrived in Goodneighbor, Jay instantly went to Daisy, who took one look at her and made her sit down. Hancock followed her at first, but when Daisy looked at him with raised eyebrows that said  _ “she needs time alone”  _ he bid farewell and walked into the old state house. \

In Daisy’s living room, Jay felt the few days of insomnia catch up to her as she sat on her couch, dozing off only to be woken up by yelling outside the store and Daisy’s loud comments. 

She only keeps herself awake enough to understand her when she hands her water, and even then she doesn’t reply. All she does is gulp down the water greedily, ridding herself of the all too familiar sensation of dry mouth. Daisy watched her for a few moments before sighing loudly, tsking her. Jay gave her a dirty look before placing the water bottle down on the table separating her and the ghoul. “Don’t ask,” Jay said, and Daisy laughed. 

“I don’t need to. I already know what’s up with you,” she replied, and Jay clenched her jaw, holding up her hands. 

“Don’t wanna talk about it. Just wanna sleep,” Jay insisted, and Daisy shook her head. 

“If you don’t talk about it, what happens when you two head out again? Not every trip is just gonna be for a week, Jay,” Daisy said, and Jay took another swig of water, thinking about the ghoul’s words for a moment before sighing. She ran her fingers through her greasy and dirty hair before taking a deep breath. 

“I dunno what the hell is wrong with me. I’m not myself,” she admitted, and Daisy hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for her to continue. Jay chewed her lips. “I’m not just...going with the flow anymore, Daisy. I’m, like...actually worried about what people think about me, and I don’t know why!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. Daisy nodded, staring at her for a few moments before leaning back in her chair. 

“And that’s a bad thing?” Daisy asked, and Jay felt shame and embarrassment heat up her chest again. She opened her mouth to protest, but Daisy cut her off. “Don’t answer that. When I first met you, you were all about the pay, and you got annoyed when Hancock got upset with you for demanding more caps. Remember that? Two months later, here we are,” Daisy told her, and Jay frowned, eyebrows furrowed. 

“What are you saying?” Jay wondered, and Daisy smiled a smug little smirk and Jay quickly wished she had just gone to sleep when she’d had the opportunity. 

“I think you know,” Daisy replied, and Jay knew she was blushing. She dug her hands into her hair, covering her face as she groaned loudly. 

“I am a mature, 235 year old woman, not a teenager,” Jay bit out, and Daisy laughed loudly, shaking her head with a smug smile printed on her face. Jay clenched her jaw and shook her head. “No, no, no. I am done with this conversation,” she grumbled, laying down on the couch. She turned her back to Daisy, and squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.” 

A hand laid itself on her shoulder comfortingly. “Don’t hide it and don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re only human, blue,” Daisy said, and Jay couldn’t help but relax at the sound of her nickname. Piper had started calling her Blue when they first met, and the nickname had quickly grown on her. Not only had her vault suit been blue, but others had begun to call her ‘blue’ because of her name. 

She smiled softly to herself before falling deep into sleep. 

* * *

 

Jay woke up late in the evening when the streets were quiet, and people drank away their problems. She woke up to a dry mouth, and an empty shop. Daisy had clearly closed early and had gone out, and so Jay got up and walked out of the shop. She briefly considered going to the bar and getting smashed, but instead settled for heading up to the old state house. If she was gonna get drunk, someone should probably know where she was going. 

Deep down, though, Jay was perfectly aware that she was just searching for an excuse to visit Hancock, but didn’t dare admit it to herself, or anyone else for that matter. 

When she entered, the other residents of the house looked at her for a few moments before nodding to her. Jay was aware she had some level of respect here, and would only raise their gun to her if Hancock allowed it. She nodded back to them in return, though, and climbed up the spiraling stairs. 

There was soft music playing from Hancock’s room, and the smell of chems was hefty and prominent in the air. Jay coughed slightly from the scent, but kept walking towards his room. 

Hancock was sprawled out on one of his couches, head thrown back. His hat was set down on the coffee table where Jet, Psycho and plenty of other chems were positioned. Most of them were empty, and Jay swallowed. It’d been a long time since she’d last used any chems, and she tried to keep herself far away from them. Hancock was perfectly aware of her discomfort with chems, which is why he often tried to keep her out of his room. But he was clearly incapacitated. 

Hesitantly, she approached him and nudged him awake. He stirred slowly, opening his eyes sleepily. At first, he didn’t notice her, but once he did he shot up. Looking around at the mess, he looked towards her with a frown. “Jay…”

“I didn’t take or use anything. Promise,” she swore, and he watched her for a few moments before nodding, stretching and yawning loudly. She smiled at the sight, but quickly wiped away the look on her face, hoping he didn’t notice. Jay cleared her throat, catching his attention again. “I was just dropping by to let you know I’m going to the Third Rail,” she told him, and he frowned. 

“You don’t drink, though,” Hancock said, and Jay shrugged.

“I’m feelin a bit tight, so I thought I’d loosen up,” she replied, and Hancock watched her for a moment before sighing, rubbing the back of his neck. Jay internally groaned, and knew that Hancock was about to have a talk with her. She interrupted him before he could begin, however. “Listen, I don’t wanna talk about it. I just thought it’d be a good idea to let you know in case I’m not back by morning,” she told him, and Hancock clenched his jaw. Despite what she said, she knew she was in store for a talk, so she got comfortable. 

“Jay, something’s been up with you lately. You haven’t been yourself,” he started, and Jay gave him a long look that begged him to stop. But he didn’t give in to her expression. “What’s been going on? Did I do something?” he asked, and Jay instantly felt guilt bubble up in her chest. Of course he thought he did something to upset her. 

She fidgeted with her fingers at the realization, and bit her lip. He noticed, yet remained silent. With a sigh, she began to explain herself. “I’m not mad at you or anything. I’m just...working some stuff out,” she explained as honestly as she could. She couldn’t admit she had a thing for him when she herself had just realized it. 

Even before the nuclear fallout, she’d been shy and had kept her emotions locked tight inside of her. It’d taken two years of being friends with Nate before they’d become a thing, and even then, Nate had asked her out. From then on, Nate was the one who controlled the tempo of their relationship, and they’d taken it very slowly. When Jay found out she was pregnant, it’d taken a few weeks of mind numbing anxiety before she broke down crying and told Nate. Of course, he’d been ecstatic, and all her fears of him being upset had been diminished. Jay almost always expected the worst, so she waited for the other party to make a decision for her. But now Nate was dead, and Jay was alone. 

Hancock obviously knew she wasn’t telling him the whole truth, but didn’t push it. He simply nodded, and grabbed a beer bottle off of the table. “If you want to get drunk, do it up here. That way, you won't strip and start dancing on the bar table or something,” he joked, a sly grin on his face. Jay smiled brightly, and grabbed the other beer bottle off of the table. 

“What happens if I do that here?” she asked without thought, and immediately regretted it. Heat flooded to her cheeks, and she was ready to apologize when Hancock interrupted her with a deep chuckle. He looked at her up and down with a smirk for a moment before replying. 

“There would be no complaints, sunshine.” 

And Jay knew she was fucked. 

**Author's Note:**

> i may continue this and make it into a series, but i hope you guys liked this !  
> PLEASE leave kudos and maybe even a comment!!!  
> thank you~~~!!!


End file.
